Saturday, July 15, 2006
My very own bad candy experience
Not too long ago I rediscovered a great site called bad-candy.com, it's really a funny site that talks about bad candies from all over the world. What I found out was that most of the bad candies were from Mexico. I tried to find some potential candidates, but to no avail. When I was right about to give up, my mom presented 2 candies (both from the same company) that from first glance, looked like possible nightmares.
Pay attention to this label, notice the $.99 sign on the left. What this means is, " Look, you spent 99 cents on candy from a country whose peso is equivilent to 9 cents in America, how good can this be?" Oh how right you are label, how right you are.
El Charrito snacks, aka candy from hell
These two little devil's treats were named "Rellerindos" and "Pulparindo". Let's start with Rellerindos. To be quite frank this candy wasn't that bad, the calm before the storm you might say. I mean, don't get me wrong this candy was still terrible; what I'm saying is, if you get past the hot/sour pungency that plagues your mouth, it's actually pretty good. I think the most discouraging thing about this candy is what it looks like. As you will see from the second picture below, the candy resembles fossilized cat geish. This makes me question why the mascot is so happy. I mean, just look at him... he looks like someone who just took a dump after hours of constipation. Either that or he is smiling because you are eating a 50 year old turd. Rellerindos mascot: "Ahhhhhh..... Man what did I eat....matza with extra sharp cheddar?" "I feel ten pounds lighter." "In fact, I feel great! I feel like I could pose for a candy product!" Yeah I bet you do you dirty little turd.
what the crap is this stupid mascot supposed to be?!
tell me what this looks like and I'll tell you what it tastes like
When I popped this bad boy into my mouth, I was overtaken by a huge blast of sour/bitter
flavor. Me: "ahhhhhhhhh! *ack* (falls on the floor) *light breathing* can't mooooove..... light faaa..... wait a sec...... This isn't that bad."
I'm a very big fan of sour candy. And eating this thing was like a n answer to a prayer. But, that was before I was surprised by something that burned. I'm still not sure what the crap it was. It was like someone put bleach in my mouth. The roof my mouth felt like it was being scraped by those hooky things that the dentist uses on your teeth. My tongue was void of any tasting ability. And then came the worst part... the gooey center. I think that when they were tuning this into mummified crap they forgot a few centuries. So I was left with a viscous brown sour/burning caramel that was attacking my taste buds, turning them into grey plastic bags of nothingness. That was enough, I ran to the bathroom and spit out the reconstituted poo that was festering in my mouth. After a few rinses with water, and a few minutes to recover, I opened up the bag to the next bad candy; this one ten times worse than Rellerindos... Pulparindos.
Behold Pulparindos. Truly the candy of El Diablo himself. I swear I would rather have eaten 8,475 Rellerindos than this crap. To get a real, full blown taste of this horror, I had to bite off pieces of this crap 2 times. One thing you notice when you bite into this is the texture. I swear this crud would have been 6 times better than what it was when I bit into it if it didn't feel like biting into sand! You can feel the individual crystals rubbing against your teeth and scratching themselves on your bicuspids! In fact now that I think about it, I don't think this is a candy at all. It's a primitive form of a tooth-brush! All the salt and scratchy sand-like grains are enough to compete with a full dental cleaning. Think about it, half of Mexico is poor right? Kids can't afford to go to dentists and rinse with fluoride after brushing their teeth with toothpaste. They don't have the money. That's where Pulparindo comes in, you get 5 of these suckers for only 99 cents (11 pesos). Every night for five days the kids chew these guys, and rub them against their teeth. Simple. And its flavor is the popular flavor in Mexico as well, chile with tamarind, the equivalent of the ever so poular bubble gum flavor in the U.S. Now that I'm done unveiling the truth of this dental bar, let me describe the taste. Pulparindo, as I have said earlier, has a tamarind, chile flavor to it. Now I like tamarind, I grew up with it, and since I'm from New Mexico, I like chile. But GOD WHY CHILE AND TAMARIND TOGETHER!?! When I bit into it I chewed it for a second or two and had the taste of the deadly combination hit my mouth. I soon after spit it out. But Pulparindo is a clever foe. It doesn't go away, it worsens on your pallet and has you screaming, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sweet mother of god its in me!" I ran to the sink and rinsed my mouth out with water and basked in the glory of a clean mouth.
pulparindo, so bad, no country would make it but Mexico
I have no idea what this white stuff is supposed to be.... Maybe it's
better that way
If you have been inspired by this post as I was by bad-candy.com to eat a bad candy and are having trouble finding them, here are a few tips to finding some.
Gas stations are a good start, they have a special little section if I'm not mistaken that is usually behind the American sugar bombs you grew up with.
Walmart..... Need I say more?
Belive it or not i got my bad candy from Walgreens. But that is probably because I live in the Southwest.
If you still can't find any.... tell your friends that you snapped and want to try some unusal foriegn candy (there are also a few bad American candies out there). Tell them the next time they see one of those specialty foreign grocery stores to look for potentially nasty treat grenades
Hope my tips came in handy this is Must, signing out.
Pay attention to this label, notice the $.99 sign on the left. What this means is, " Look, you spent 99 cents on candy from a country whose peso is equivilent to 9 cents in America, how good can this be?" Oh how right you are label, how right you are.
El Charrito snacks, aka candy from hell
These two little devil's treats were named "Rellerindos" and "Pulparindo". Let's start with Rellerindos. To be quite frank this candy wasn't that bad, the calm before the storm you might say. I mean, don't get me wrong this candy was still terrible; what I'm saying is, if you get past the hot/sour pungency that plagues your mouth, it's actually pretty good. I think the most discouraging thing about this candy is what it looks like. As you will see from the second picture below, the candy resembles fossilized cat geish. This makes me question why the mascot is so happy. I mean, just look at him... he looks like someone who just took a dump after hours of constipation. Either that or he is smiling because you are eating a 50 year old turd. Rellerindos mascot: "Ahhhhhh..... Man what did I eat....matza with extra sharp cheddar?" "I feel ten pounds lighter." "In fact, I feel great! I feel like I could pose for a candy product!" Yeah I bet you do you dirty little turd.
what the crap is this stupid mascot supposed to be?!
tell me what this looks like and I'll tell you what it tastes like
When I popped this bad boy into my mouth, I was overtaken by a huge blast of sour/bitter
flavor. Me: "ahhhhhhhhh! *ack* (falls on the floor) *light breathing* can't mooooove..... light faaa..... wait a sec...... This isn't that bad."
I'm a very big fan of sour candy. And eating this thing was like a n answer to a prayer. But, that was before I was surprised by something that burned. I'm still not sure what the crap it was. It was like someone put bleach in my mouth. The roof my mouth felt like it was being scraped by those hooky things that the dentist uses on your teeth. My tongue was void of any tasting ability. And then came the worst part... the gooey center. I think that when they were tuning this into mummified crap they forgot a few centuries. So I was left with a viscous brown sour/burning caramel that was attacking my taste buds, turning them into grey plastic bags of nothingness. That was enough, I ran to the bathroom and spit out the reconstituted poo that was festering in my mouth. After a few rinses with water, and a few minutes to recover, I opened up the bag to the next bad candy; this one ten times worse than Rellerindos... Pulparindos.
Behold Pulparindos. Truly the candy of El Diablo himself. I swear I would rather have eaten 8,475 Rellerindos than this crap. To get a real, full blown taste of this horror, I had to bite off pieces of this crap 2 times. One thing you notice when you bite into this is the texture. I swear this crud would have been 6 times better than what it was when I bit into it if it didn't feel like biting into sand! You can feel the individual crystals rubbing against your teeth and scratching themselves on your bicuspids! In fact now that I think about it, I don't think this is a candy at all. It's a primitive form of a tooth-brush! All the salt and scratchy sand-like grains are enough to compete with a full dental cleaning. Think about it, half of Mexico is poor right? Kids can't afford to go to dentists and rinse with fluoride after brushing their teeth with toothpaste. They don't have the money. That's where Pulparindo comes in, you get 5 of these suckers for only 99 cents (11 pesos). Every night for five days the kids chew these guys, and rub them against their teeth. Simple. And its flavor is the popular flavor in Mexico as well, chile with tamarind, the equivalent of the ever so poular bubble gum flavor in the U.S. Now that I'm done unveiling the truth of this dental bar, let me describe the taste. Pulparindo, as I have said earlier, has a tamarind, chile flavor to it. Now I like tamarind, I grew up with it, and since I'm from New Mexico, I like chile. But GOD WHY CHILE AND TAMARIND TOGETHER!?! When I bit into it I chewed it for a second or two and had the taste of the deadly combination hit my mouth. I soon after spit it out. But Pulparindo is a clever foe. It doesn't go away, it worsens on your pallet and has you screaming, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sweet mother of god its in me!" I ran to the sink and rinsed my mouth out with water and basked in the glory of a clean mouth.
pulparindo, so bad, no country would make it but Mexico
I have no idea what this white stuff is supposed to be.... Maybe it's
better that way
If you have been inspired by this post as I was by bad-candy.com to eat a bad candy and are having trouble finding them, here are a few tips to finding some.
Gas stations are a good start, they have a special little section if I'm not mistaken that is usually behind the American sugar bombs you grew up with.
Walmart..... Need I say more?
Belive it or not i got my bad candy from Walgreens. But that is probably because I live in the Southwest.
If you still can't find any.... tell your friends that you snapped and want to try some unusal foriegn candy (there are also a few bad American candies out there). Tell them the next time they see one of those specialty foreign grocery stores to look for potentially nasty treat grenades
Hope my tips came in handy this is Must, signing out.
# posted by Mustafa's blog @ 10:39 AM 
Comments:
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Nice how you insulted everything about Rellerindos and mocked the poverty in Mexico to demonstrate your dislike of this candy!
The next time you review a product, and it happens to be negative, please refrain from making light of desperate situations in other countries. The poor children of Mexico cannot even afford candy, in fact, they sell candy trying to make a few pesos. How very creative how you called the mascot a "turd". He is the candy itself, not feces.
Off to buy a giant bag for my Palestinian friend, a person who has a open mind and heart, and knows better than to insult innocents. I don't like rose/orange flower water in many Arabic desserts, but I will not go as far as to say something rude about poor children in the Middle East.
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The next time you review a product, and it happens to be negative, please refrain from making light of desperate situations in other countries. The poor children of Mexico cannot even afford candy, in fact, they sell candy trying to make a few pesos. How very creative how you called the mascot a "turd". He is the candy itself, not feces.
Off to buy a giant bag for my Palestinian friend, a person who has a open mind and heart, and knows better than to insult innocents. I don't like rose/orange flower water in many Arabic desserts, but I will not go as far as to say something rude about poor children in the Middle East.
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